You pull into the driveway, the engine goes quiet, and you just sit there for a minute. You’re not on your phone, and you’re not quite ready to go in. Because inside, someone might need something from you, and you might find yourself saying yes before they finish asking.
If you know that minute in the car, this is for you.
I’m Angie Kingma, a Registered Psychotherapist and the founder of Mindfulness for Health in Burlington, Ontario. This blog is a place to set things down for a little while. Underneath all the doing, there’s still you: a person with a body, real limits, and a life that asks a lot.
Today I want to talk about the yes that comes out before you’ve even checked in with yourself.
The yes that runs ahead of you
Someone asks, “Could you just…” and the yes is already on its way. It’s quick and helpful, and often it’s kind.
For many of us, that yes runs on autopilot. Some people call it people-pleasing, though you might just call it being the one people can count on.
You may be used to being the person others count on. Sometimes you answer before noticing how tired you are. That habit may have helped you stay connected for a long time, and it can still leave you worn out by evening, wondering where your own time went.
You can stay caring and still check what you have to give.
A simple practice: the three breath pause
Here is one practice you can take with you.
The next time someone asks for something, try saying, “Let me check and get back to you,” or at home, “Give me a minute.” That small sentence gives you a little space. Then, before you answer, take three slow breaths if that feels comfortable. You can also pause without changing your breathing.
If you’d like to try it now, you can. And if you’d rather not today, that’s fine too.
Wherever you are, let your jaw soften. Let your shoulders come down an inch.
Breath one. Notice your body. Is there a tightening, a bracing, or a rush?
Breath two. Ask quietly, “What do I actually have the energy to give right now?”
Breath three. Let the answer be whatever it is. Maybe it’s “yes.” Maybe it’s “not today.” Maybe it’s “I’m not sure yet.” There’s no wrong answer here.
You might still say yes, and that’s okay. The pause just gives you a moment to check in first.
Would you rather listen to the podcast? Links here:
If you’d like more support
If you’d like to talk about how this shows up in your own life, I offer a complimentary 15-minute virtual Meet and Greet. You can learn more at Mindfulness for Health. I also work with people in person in Burlington or online across Ontario.
Please note
This post and the podcast are for general education and reflection. They aren’t a substitute for therapy or individual care. Reading or listening doesn’t create a therapist and client relationship. If a practice brings up anything difficult, it’s okay to pause, stop, or skip it.
Mindfulness for Health is not an emergency service. If you are in crisis or worried about your safety, call 9-1-1 or go to your nearest emergency department. You can also call or text 9-8-8 any time.
Thanks for reading. If the three breath pause is useful, try it once before your next yes.
