From Inner Critic to Inner Fan: Building Confidence Amidst Life's Challenges
“I’ll Feel More Confident When…”
...the trap of someday and how to start now instead
Have you ever told yourself something like:
“I’ll feel confident once I get figure out my self-care / get the new job / manage my anxiety / get my ADHD under control / stabilize my mood / [insert personal milestone here]”?
You're not alone.
So many of my clients express this sentiment, believing that confidence is a reward for achieving a certain state of perfection. But here's the truth: confidence isn't something you earn after everything is "fixed." It's something you can cultivate right now, amidst the chaos.
Confidence Amidst Challenges
Clients dealing with anxiety, ADHD, and mood fluctuations often feel like they're on a rollercoaster. They think, "Once I have everything under control, then I'll be confident." But waiting for the perfect moment can keep you stuck.
One client shared, "I realized that if I waited until everything was perfect, I'd be waiting forever." Instead, he began to take small steps, celebrating each one, and noticed his confidence growing—not because everything was perfect, but because he was moving forward despite the imperfections.
The Inner Fan: A Client's Transformation
Another client, struggling with self-doubt and a harsh inner critic, decided to make a change. He said, "I realized that my inner critic was always pointing out what I was doing wrong and how I wasn’t measuring up. So, I decided to create an 'inner fan'—a voice that cheers me on."
Every morning, he'd look in the mirror and say things like, "You've got this," “Just do your best, that’s good enough” or "Proud of you for showing up today." Throughout the day, he'd acknowledge his efforts, no matter how small. Over time, this practice didn't just boost his mood — it helped him follow through on healthy habits he was tracking in his habit tracker app and was legitimately building genuine self-confidence.
Understanding Your Inner World with IFS
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a framework to understand these internal voices. It suggests that our mind comprises various "parts," each with its own perspective. For instance, we all have at least one Inner Critic in our minds. Each part tries to help us even though at first glance what it’s doing is backfiring. For example, the Inner Critic might be a part that's trying to keep you ‘in line’ or wants you to keep up appearances to protect you from feeling judged, rejected or like a failure.
By acknowledging and understanding these parts, you can transform your relationship with them. Instead of battling your Inner Critic, you can approach it with curiosity and compassion, asking, "What are you trying to protect me from?" This shift can lead to profound changes in self-perception and confidence.
Practical Steps to Build Confidence Now
Remember, confidence isn't about having everything under control. It's about moving forward, embracing your imperfections, and cheering yourself on along the way.
Thanks so much for reading! Your support means the world and I hope it helps even in the tiniest of ways :)
Warmly,
Angie
...the trap of someday and how to start now instead
Have you ever told yourself something like:
“I’ll feel confident once I get figure out my self-care / get the new job / manage my anxiety / get my ADHD under control / stabilize my mood / [insert personal milestone here]”?
You're not alone.
So many of my clients express this sentiment, believing that confidence is a reward for achieving a certain state of perfection. But here's the truth: confidence isn't something you earn after everything is "fixed." It's something you can cultivate right now, amidst the chaos.
Confidence Amidst Challenges
Clients dealing with anxiety, ADHD, and mood fluctuations often feel like they're on a rollercoaster. They think, "Once I have everything under control, then I'll be confident." But waiting for the perfect moment can keep you stuck.
One client shared, "I realized that if I waited until everything was perfect, I'd be waiting forever." Instead, he began to take small steps, celebrating each one, and noticed his confidence growing—not because everything was perfect, but because he was moving forward despite the imperfections.
The Inner Fan: A Client's Transformation
Another client, struggling with self-doubt and a harsh inner critic, decided to make a change. He said, "I realized that my inner critic was always pointing out what I was doing wrong and how I wasn’t measuring up. So, I decided to create an 'inner fan'—a voice that cheers me on."
Every morning, he'd look in the mirror and say things like, "You've got this," “Just do your best, that’s good enough” or "Proud of you for showing up today." Throughout the day, he'd acknowledge his efforts, no matter how small. Over time, this practice didn't just boost his mood — it helped him follow through on healthy habits he was tracking in his habit tracker app and was legitimately building genuine self-confidence.
Understanding Your Inner World with IFS
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a framework to understand these internal voices. It suggests that our mind comprises various "parts," each with its own perspective. For instance, we all have at least one Inner Critic in our minds. Each part tries to help us even though at first glance what it’s doing is backfiring. For example, the Inner Critic might be a part that's trying to keep you ‘in line’ or wants you to keep up appearances to protect you from feeling judged, rejected or like a failure.
By acknowledging and understanding these parts, you can transform your relationship with them. Instead of battling your Inner Critic, you can approach it with curiosity and compassion, asking, "What are you trying to protect me from?" This shift can lead to profound changes in self-perception and confidence.
Practical Steps to Build Confidence Now
- Acknowledge Your Parts: Recognize the different voices or feelings within you. Understand that each has a purpose, even if it's misguided.
- Cultivate Your Inner Fan: Intentionally practice self-encouragement throughout the day. Celebrate small wins and remind yourself of your strengths.
- Engage in IFS Practices: Work with a therapist or use IFS techniques to explore and harmonize your internal parts.
- Take Action Amidst Imperfection: Don't wait for the perfect moment. Confidence grows when you act, even when things aren't ideal.
Remember, confidence isn't about having everything under control. It's about moving forward, embracing your imperfections, and cheering yourself on along the way.
Thanks so much for reading! Your support means the world and I hope it helps even in the tiniest of ways :)
Warmly,
Angie