Mindful Living & The Truth About Perfectionism

Ever find yourself rewriting the same email five times, worried that even the smallest mistake might ruin everything? If so, you’re not alone. So many of us struggle with the kind of high standards that make every day feel like a test we might fail. But here’s something important to remember: perfectionism is less about actually being perfect and more about wanting to feel good enough.
 
The Real Root of Perfectionism

Perfectionistic tendencies often stem from a deep concern that our worth as a person is tied to our accomplishments. Maybe growing up, you learned that success = praise or that falling short = criticism. Over time, your brain starts treating each task like it’s tied directly to your self-worth. If you do well, you’re “good.” If you make a mistake, you’re “bad.” That’s a lot of pressure, and it’s not surprising we end up feeling stressed, anxious, or even paralyzed before we begin.

On Overevaluation & Overly Self-Critical

One of the key traps in perfectionism is the habit of overevaluating our performance. We make the outcome of a project or task so significant that there’s zero room for error — even though mistakes are an inevitable part of being human. This hyperfocus on “never messing up” makes every slip-up feel catastrophic, intensifying anxiety and self-criticism. That’s another important underlying mechanism which fuels perfectionism which is an overly self-critical voice that extremely harsh and thinks in all-or-nothing ways. We’re not as fair to ourselves as we would be to any other person.
 
A Peek Into Our Inner “Parts” (IFS)

From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, we can view perfectionism as a protective “part” working overtime to keep you safe from perceived failure, rejection, negative judgments an/or shame. This part might be trying to ensure you never have to face criticism or disappointment, so it pushes you toward near-impossible standards. By acknowledging this part with curiosity (rather than judgment), you begin to see that perfectionism isn’t all of who you are. It’s just one voice, one piece of your internal system, doing its best to help. When you learn to honour its intentions but also set healthier boundaries around it, you can move toward a more balanced, self-compassionate mindset.
 
Why High Standards Can Hurt Us

1. Constant Pressure - When your standards soar above what’s realistic, you live in a near-constant state of must-do-better. That leaves little room for real satisfaction or enjoyment of the process.
2. Fear of Failure - Perfectionism can make any tiny misstep feel enormous, which in turn fuels procrastination — if I can’t do it perfectly, why do it at all?
3. Emotional Burnout - Pushing yourself to unrealistic limits wears you down mentally, emotionally, and physically.
4. No Space for Growth - If mistakes aren’t allowed, you deny yourself the chance to learn. Personal and professional growth often blooms out of experimentation, adjustments, and, yes, occasional failures. Failure is part of the process of growth.

Brain Hacks to Tackle Perfectionism

1. Name It, Don’t Shame It - It’s easy to beat yourself up for being a perfectionist (“Ugh, why am I like this?”). Instead, try labeling it gently: “Oh, I notice that’s my perfectionism (or perfectionist part) talking.” Recognizing the pattern helps your brain shift into observer mode rather than staying stuck in self-judgment. It brings on the pre-frontal cortex which allows us to see more clearly and have more choice.
2. “Good Enough” Check-Ins - For any task, ask yourself: “What does good enough look like here?” Aim for that. Remind yourself that the extra 10% of effort might not be worth the time or stress, especially when 90% gets the job done just fine.
3. Self-Compassion Mini-Breaks - When you feel those perfectionist vibes creeping in, pause for a moment of self-compassion: take a deep breath, put your hand on your heart (if you’re comfortable), and remind yourself: “I am more than my work. I’m allowed to be human.”
4. Celebrate Small Wins - We’re quick to dwell on mistakes, but how often do we acknowledge what we do well? If you normally rush to the next goal, make a habit of noting at least one thing you did right today—even if it’s small, like responding thoughtfully to a coworker.
5. Visualize the “After” Feeling - Sometimes we get so stuck in the doing, we forget how good it feels to be done. Picture how you’ll feel once you’ve completed the task to a reasonable standard—content, lighter, and less stressed. That positive vision can keep perfectionism at bay.

 
Bringing Mindfulness into the Mix

Mindfulness isn’t about sitting perfectly still or becoming one with nature in an instant. It’s about being more present with your thoughts, emotions, and even your perfectionistic tendencies — without judgment, with curiosity, kindness and acceptance. When you notice yourself spiraling into self-criticism or doubling down on “it has to be perfect,” simply acknowledge it and gently bring your focus back to the present moment. Over time, you’ll start to see that perfectionistic voice for what it is — a voice, not an absolute truth.
 
Want to Dive Deeper?

If you’re finding it tough to break free from perfectionistic patterns (or you just want a dedicated space to work on yourself), I’m now offering Therapy Intensives—an accelerated format of therapy to tackle these challenges. These in-depth sessions provide a focused environment to explore the roots of perfectionism, heal old wounds, and develop healthier coping strategies.

Interested in learning more? Click here to find out about the format, FAQs, and how to get started. Remember, you’re already so much more than any single task or goal, and if you really struggle in this area, the right support can help you start living and thriving and truly like yourself.